Sex can be pretty confusing. You may have been told that sex is a sacred act between two married people who love each other very much. But then you turn on your TV and you see quite a different story - people having casual or meaningless sex, using it to get revenge or to control people, or using it to advertise everything from soft drinks to vacuum cleaners.
The point is, there’s a lot of bad information floating around about sex. And while you may have already had “The Sex Talk” with your parents, you may still have a few questions. Your parents, your teachers or your doctor would likely be happy to answer your questions, but let’s face it, some of this stuff can be pretty embarrassing
Fantasies
A sexual fantasy is a picture (image) or thought in your mind that is sexually exciting or pleasurable to you. Sometimes a fantasy is sparked by someone you see or have seen (in real life or in a magazine or video) or that you know. Sometimes a fantasy just pops into your head for no apparent reason. Most people have sexual fantasies from time to time. Some people have sexual fantasies every day and some people hardly ever have them.
Usually when a person masturbates, he or she will fantasize.
Sexual fantasies vary from one person to another. Because it is
formed in our minds, a sexual fantasy can consist of anything our imagination can dream up. Typically though, a person will
fantasize about sexual activity with a partner or someone the
person finds sexually appealing. Sometimes the fantasy will simply be about a certain person or type of person in an erotic or sexual context.
In most cases, people enjoy their sexual fantasies. In some cases, though, people may have fantasies that they don’t like or feel ashamed about. Keep in mind that just because you have had a fantasy about a particular person or a particular type of sexual activity, this does not mean that you would want to, or should, experience the fantasy in real life.
Wet Dreams
It is very common for people to have dreams of a sexual nature
when they are sleeping. Many people start to have dreams with sexually arousing images or scenarios when they are going through puberty. Sometimes boys going through puberty will have sexual dreams that cause them to have erections and to ejaculate while they sleep. This is called a “wet dream”. Sometimes the boy will wake up with no memory of his dream but will find semen (Cum) on his pajamas or sheets. Usually, as he grows older, the boy will continue to have sexual dreams but will wake up before he
ejaculates in his sleep. Of course, girls and women have sexual
dreams too. When a girl has a sexual dream her vagina may
become lubricated and her clitoris more sensitive.
Humanity is like a bird with two wings- one is male, the other female. Unless both wings are strong and impelled by some common force, the bird cannot fly heaven ward. According to the spirit of this age, women must advance and fulfil their mission in all departments of life, becoming equal to men. They must be on the same level as men and enjoy equal rights. It is astounding that prejudice still prevail which frequently pass a scientific facts, and it is particularly amazing that this should be the case in an age which considers itself enlightened in sexual matters. As long as the scientific method with its careful, counting, weighing, measuring and experimenting holds sway, as long as materialism has the upper hand, as long as people are thought of as animals rather than as human beings with mental and spiritual qualities, then so long will physical sex continue to be overvalued. Infact the only recent development is that the overemphasis on physical sex now occurs in the open, where before it used to be hidden beneath the surface. The result is that end up with sex having us, instead of us having sex.
Sexual activity today is regarded not so much as a means for the reproduction of the species, as it used to be, but as a means of gaining pleasure. Yet it is still misused over and over again in the service of personal superiority, prestige and social status. The essential function of srx, the physical and the spiritual union which alone can lead to the unity of men and women, to a deep and lasting hapiness, is often never considered at all.
The difficulties we see today in relationships between the sexes- in friendship, partnership and marriage - are not primarily Sexual, but are of a social nature. During the centuries-old oppression of women by men, many commonly held prejudices arose about the concepts of maleness and femaleness, prejudice which are to some extent held by almost everyone. The validity of these prejudice has only very slowly been thrown into doubt, following a growing realisation by women that they deserve recognition and social equality.
In order to understand how, even today, misinformed attitudes and child-raising methods transmit false values about Sexual identity, Sexual differences and Sexual matters in general, I will introduce the psychological concept of "masculine protest". A better understanding of this phenomenon can help to make relations between the sexes less difficult and more satisfying.
From a woman's point of view, the masculine protest is her protest against the inferior role allotted to women - such a protest is thoroughly correct and very necessary in the context of women liberation. The protest begins in early childholld, when a little girl realises that she is only a girl. Girls have to do things that boys do not have to do, and boys are allowed to do things that girls are not. On the basis of these observations, little girls develop attitudes and tactics which work to their disadvantage. Many young women fear marriage, believing that marriage will condemn them to a perpetual second-rate position in relation to their husbands. On the surface they appear to do everything they can to find a man, but they always end up with the wrong one, one, inwardly they are not looking for a lasting partnership at all. One common result is to fall in love with a man who is already narried or commited- there is no surer way of avoiding marriage than falling in love with a Catholic priest! Not everyone goes that far, because it usually suffices to choose someone who is significantly older or younger, or of a different race or class.
Of the many other ways of avoiding marriage, two particularly successful techniques deserve mention: seeking the parfect partner, who of course does not exist, and lack of sympathy or love for anybody who seems like a suitable partner: "what a pity; everything seems to be right, except that I DON'T LOVE HIM"
How do I know I am ready for sex?
Everywhere you look, someone is trying to tell you something
different about sex. Some religions ask that you wait until
marriage. On television, sex is used to sell everything from cars to colas. And since when have you seen a celebrity wait until marriage to have sex?
Sex is a complicated issue. This website exists to help you find
answers and information so you can make the right choices for
you. But growing up means taking responsibility for your choices and actions. Deciding if, when and with who you want to have sex are tough decisions that you’re going to have to make on your own. Your parents may forbid it and your friends may warn against it, but in the end it’s still your decision. Consider all of the benefits and the consequences, and you might want to ask yourself:
Just because you may want to have sex eventually doesn’t mean that you’re ready to take such a big step right now.
The decision to have sex, or to have sex with a particular person, is a choice that is different for everyone.
Pressure to have sex, and pressure to wait, comes from
everywhere. How you were brought up, your religious beliefs, peer pressure, what your friends or other people your age are doing, and your previous relationships and/or sexual experiences may all be things you want to think about.
If you are considering having sex - particularly when it’s for the
first time - one of the most important things to think about is ‘why do I want to do this?’ If you’re doing it just to fit in, because of pressure, to make someone else happy, or just to lose your virginity you may want to reconsider. If you have sex for these reasons, you may come to regret it.
Consider all of your feelings, motives and the consequences of sex before you take that plunge.
Sexual incompatibility
incompatibility in Sexual matters is another problem which originates in a lack of understanding about sex. When sexual relations between a man and a woman are not good, it seems that either the man "can't" -impotent- or the woman is incapable of responding and is emotionally cold - she is frigid. Almost all the initial difficulties can be overcome if the sexual dimension of a partnership is not overvalued, creating a feeling of obligation.
Conclusion
Sex should be regarded primarily as a means of union which can lead to unity between a man and a woman. Sex, like love, must be learned, and should be regarded as a training in partnership, for which neither person bears more responsibility than the other. Frank and open communication about everything each partner likes or does not like can be of great assistance. If partners believe themselves to be incapable of such communication, they should not hesitate to seek professional advice. Sexual incompatibility is not the cause of impotence and frigidity - it is the result of personal conflict and insufficient cooperation.